This post has been a long time coming. In fact I’ve been writing it in my head for at least a month or two. Although, in my head I kept wanting to add the word again. “Time to start loving my body AGAIN” but the truth is I’ve never really loved my body. Not as a size 5 in high school. Not as a size 12 after having the first couple of kids. Not as a size 6 a year and a half ago, and certainly not at the size 8 I currently am.
The thing about chasing these arbitrary numbers is that it’s never enough. I’M never enough. I set my sights on a number and once I get there it wasn’t what I thought it would be. I didn’t see myself any different than the day, the week, or even the month before. Only after I gained weight again would I look back and think I didn’t look so bad “back then.” I never realize it in the now. Ever.
Take these pictures from September 2012 as an example. I was a 133 lbs, the smallest I have been since graduating high school, let alone after having 4 kids!! I was at my “ideal” body weight according to those fancy charts that tell you those kinds of things, but do you know what I saw? Not a 6 pack, not 125 pounds on the scale. All I saw was the “not good enoughs.”
I often read blog posts and articles about the realization that we are more than our dress sizes or the numbers on the scale and I would nod my head in agreement. . . for *them*. This logic was very enlightening and completely accurate; for everyone but me.
I’m number minded. I *need* the data in cold hard numbers to know that I am making progress. Numbers don’t lie, that’s why I like them. They are concrete, but do you know what else I do with those numbers? I compare them to the numbers of others. When I lost 6 pounds doing 60 days of Insanity to get down to that 133 lbs it didn’t mean much because “everyone” else lost 10-15 pounds or more. Even other women with my same stats. Once again I just didn’t measure up.
So as part of Project ME I am putting it out there that I AM good enough. I am going to take care of my body because I deserve it and I’m worthy of a healthy body. NOT because I need to lose 20 pounds. NOT because so-and-so is a size 4 while I’m a size 8 and NOT because those stupid charts tell me I’m overweight.
It’s time for me to prove to myself that I am more then all those numbers I’ve thrown out there.
Will you join me?