This post has been a long time coming. In fact I’ve been writing it in my head for at least a month or two. Although, in my head I kept wanting to add the word again. “Time to start loving my body AGAIN” but the truth is I’ve never really loved my body. Not as a size 5 in high school. Not as a size 12 after having the first couple of kids. Not as a size 6 a year and a half ago, and certainly not at the size 8 I currently am.
The thing about chasing these arbitrary numbers is that it’s never enough. I’M never enough. I set my sights on a number and once I get there it wasn’t what I thought it would be. I didn’t see myself any different than the day, the week, or even the month before. Only after I gained weight again would I look back and think I didn’t look so bad “back then.” I never realize it in the now. Ever.
Take these pictures from September 2012 as an example. I was a 133 lbs, the smallest I have been since graduating high school, let alone after having 4 kids!! I was at my “ideal” body weight according to those fancy charts that tell you those kinds of things, but do you know what I saw? Not a 6 pack, not 125 pounds on the scale. All I saw was the “not good enoughs.”
I often read blog posts and articles about the realization that we are more than our dress sizes or the numbers on the scale and I would nod my head in agreement. . . for *them*. This logic was very enlightening and completely accurate; for everyone but me.
I’m number minded. I *need* the data in cold hard numbers to know that I am making progress. Numbers don’t lie, that’s why I like them. They are concrete, but do you know what else I do with those numbers? I compare them to the numbers of others. When I lost 6 pounds doing 60 days of Insanity to get down to that 133 lbs it didn’t mean much because “everyone” else lost 10-15 pounds or more. Even other women with my same stats. Once again I just didn’t measure up.
It’s time for me to prove to myself that I am more then all those numbers I’ve thrown out there.
Will you join me?
Comparison is the worst thing ever. I struggled with it for a LONG time before I lost my weight. I don't really anymore thank goodness, but I definitely don't enjoy hearing when others stuggle with it - it's like being stuck in a prison. Try not to compare yourself to others... you never know where they are on their journey. So you might even be comparing apples to oranges if that makes sense. I hope you are able to find happiness in how you are now, and try not to concentrate on numbers so much (remember musle weighs more than fat)! :0)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lauren. It's something I am really going to try and work on because really there is nothing productive about it.
DeleteWow, people would kill to have your body! Rejoice in it and all you have accomplished! You look great!
ReplyDeleteThank you. Unfortunately that is not I how I look anymore. I'm hoping to get back there soon, and this time appreciate it.
DeleteLove you Summer! Any size/shape that makes you happy makes me happy. Pass the cookie dough ice cream please (kidding, sorta...)
ReplyDeleteI love you too Patty!! You have been there through most of my shapes and sizes and always encouraged me . . . but get your own cookie dough ice cream! This one is mine ;)
DeleteYup - we are never happy where we are. My weight is great - but when I look at the shape my body has taken, I get dissatisfied. But I don't want to work on it, I'd rather complain! LOL!
ReplyDeleteThat is how I have been lately! California hasn't been good for me both mentally or physically. I fell into a funk and allowed myself to stay there!
DeleteNumbers are just numbers. I love what you said about not comparison quote taking away joy. So true.
ReplyDeleteIt so is! Losing 6 pounds is huge for me! I don't drop weight easily at all, but the fact that I was on the lower end of the average took away from the joy I would have had over my own accomplishment!
DeleteI love this. I am a huge advocate of self-love and positive body image. I often remind the HS girls that I work with to love their bodies for what they do for them...not for what they are not. You are beautiful, you are a mother, and I am sure you can do so much and are worth so much more than what you look like! Enjoy the journey :D
ReplyDeleteThank you, Rachel! Our bodies are so much more then what we give then credit for! I just need to keep reminding myself that!
DeleteI try really hard NOT to be a numbers person, but sadly, I focus on it way too much. Thanks for reminding me that there are more important things!!!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean! I always tell my girls and even complete strangers on the internet that the numbers don't define them but I struggle with applying the same principals to myself!
DeleteThis is a very big step. And a brave one as we have come to learn that healthy, fit and good is some unrealistic ideal that gets a lot of people in trouble more than we care to admit. Losing weight means nothing if all we do is trade one obsession for another so being happy with ourselves is extremely important. You are certainly braver than I am. While I'm not a numbers person when it comes to my weight, I hate looking at myself in the mirror.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, the mirror. I have a rather unhealthy relationship with the mirror. I pick myself apart in the mirror, and what I see is often based on my mood. Where the numbers are less subjective than that.
DeleteLove you Summer! And we all are good enough! Thanks for the reminder to love ourselves :)
ReplyDeleteLove you too, Tania! It's something we need to keep reminding ourselves over and over again.
DeleteThank you for this! I needed it! I definitely struggled with my weight; the number on the scale was never good enough for me. But I'm learning to be happy with my body- it runs half marathons! Still, it's a work in progress. :)
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with a work in progress. :) It's more about enjoying the ride a long the way.
DeleteGood luck to you! Everything you shared here are the same thoughts/feelings I have inside me, towards my body. Its so, so hard. Comparison is the killer - whether you compare against someone else, or your "ideal" you. Sadly, like you mentioned, the "ideal" you will never be enough either, because we will always compare again.
ReplyDeleteLearning to love as is - its so hard, but I think its something you deserve! We all deserve it!
Yes we do! It's a constant struggle too.
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